I am sitting in the new office/ work space and I love it in here. It is calming and cozy. I have a my Steven Curtis Chapman radio station playing. And hoping my fiance comes home soon so we can talk before bed but my bet is he will come home and go right to bed and not want to talk.
He is frustrated and I am trying hard not to be. His best friend wanted to surprise him and take him for one last run of the Occoe before we get married. He called and told me what he was thinking and if that would be a good idea. I said yes. I am going back to Jackson this weekend and his parents are leaving for there big trip. I know he was looking forward to a weekend with no one to answer to but I thought it would be nice for the two of them to have some time away together. Boy was I wrong he has been in a fit all afternoon.
One of the good and bad things about getting married you learn alot about another person and just how different you really are. I don’t thrive on alone time. I like my alone time in the car, time to think and process but I do not enjoy large blocks of silence or just laying in bed. I did that for too long when I was depressed it doesn’t rank high on things I like to do daily.
Jason however does. He thrives on blocking out the world and just being by himself. I don’t understand it but I need to respect it. It is hard for me sometimes, to me silence= angry and that is scary. That is just satan working my insecurities, I have to let go of that. I just wish sometimes there was more of a balance in where time is spent. I try not to spend excess time on the computer if Jason is home so that we can talk and laugh. I don’t run around doing chores while he is home so we can have quality time. That is not always returned but that shouldn’t keep me from continuing to strive to cave out time for us.
I will work on respecting his need for time to read, sleep, or just be quiet as hard as I find that at time. I will remind myself that silence doesn’t mean anger and that giving him that which he needs makes him a better person.